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Hello friends,
This is my personal homepage and you are invited to visit. On this page you will find my bio plus links to some of my
favorite sites, a picture page and, somewhere in there, an email address if you'd like to drop me a line.
Don't worry, there is nothing offensive here, just me telling my personal story which I am calling, "My Life as a
Girl".
Before I go any further I should explain that some of you may already know me by the name Mary Bonita. Where that name
came from I will get into later but, for now, let me clarify that some found the "Bonita" name misleading. No,
I am not Latina and so I decided to adopt the name "Kabuki" to reflect my Japanese heritage.
So without further ado here is my "Life as a Girl".
As long as I can remember, I have always thought I was a girl but the fates were cruel and I was raised as a boy. Not
one to let that stop me I took every opportunity presented to me to at least look and dress like the girl I knew I was inside.
This did not sit well with my parents, or society, in general. Therefore for most of my life I lived a secret life sneaking
around, borrowing girls' clothes where I could but alway feeling I was doing something terrible. Shame is not an easy thing
to live with but in those years there was no such thing as TG Support Groups, or even psychiatrists trained in such matters.
The internet was years away and so I thought I was a freak, a pervert or worse.
Nevertheless I was undaunted, knowing deep down inside me that I had to explore this part of me, that it was a vital and
important part of who I was. I would slowly collect a modest girls' wardrobe, practice making up my face and, usually using
a scarf or hat to hide my short hair, tried to make myself look as much lke a girl as was possible.
Eventually something would happen, I would be discovered and all my lovely things would be tossed out like some shameful
garbage. Over the years I would be guilty of the same sin and toss out my hard-earned things just to please others.
For many years I was able to surpress the urges and tried to live my life as a male but, in my heart, I knew it was just
a facade. As much of a facade as me trying to become a girl.
I finally decided that I had enough and began to collect things again and once again see where this was leading.
It was during this period that I met my future wife and immediately knew she was the one. Unfortunately, I neglected
to tell her of my "hobby" until she caught me in the act. In tears I confessed it all to her and promised I would
stop, knowing, in fact, that it was probably a lie. In hindsight, I know that if I had told her before we got married, things
may have been a lot different but now my life was based on an untruth.
Naturally the urge returned and once again began accumulating, dressing and hiding, knowing full well that I was being
deceitful. Our marriage suffered for it and almost called it quits a few times but she stuck with me and, one day, out of
the blue, she decided to accept me as being TG. The simple fact that I would risk everything to continue dressing up demonstrated
just how much this meant to me.
Today, with her acceptance, her blessing, I no longer have to purge, no longer have to dress in shame, no longer have
to lie. She, in fact, gave me my name when she called me "Mariposa Bonita". With my new name I posted a modest
profile on the internet and immediately met some other gals who have gone through eerily similar circumstances.
How happy I was to know I was not the only one, that they were literally thousands of us out there. Thanks to the WWW
I have made many true friends and am finally finding out just who I am.
I am still, after all these years, a work in progress but at least it's progess. I know that being bi-gendered is a gift
and wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you's to my friends out there, you know who you are.
On this home page, I'll introduce myself and talk about my reasons for wanting a web site. I might put a picture of myself
on this page...or just a picture that I especially like.
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